Swearing With Class

I’m not exactly famous for my English, and you’ve all probably spotted some grammatical error I’ve committed before in my writing. And you’re all probably sitting there going Oh My God, This Girl Sucks Balls. Because frankly, I do that too, and I’m very pedantic when it comes to reading other people’s writing- as hypocritical as it may seem.

But that is all going to change. I will speak and write with perfect grammar- eventually.

Primary school has taught me bad grammar. I had never heard of the ‘Never end a sentence with a preposition’ rule until an English teacher insisted we answer the phone with ‘To whom do you wish to speak?’ two years ago.

But like I said, this is all going to change. Teacup and I have decided to embark on another little scheme of ours (alongside the 'no meat and lots of yoghurt' one, I mean). We are going to speak with class. Yes, we will:

• Refrain from ending sentences with prepositions: As I type this, I am making sure to be as grammatically correct as possible. And you’ll notice how cleverly easy it is to avoid ending a sentence with a preposition if you just attach a ‘please’ to the end of the sentence.
• Learn to swear discreetly: I haven’t quite mastered this one yet, but have you ever heard someone say a swear word so inconspicuously that you think ‘What? Did he or she just swear?’ even though you’re sure you heard correctly, and you’re sure they did? Yeah, I want to be able to do that. I’m not too sure just how yet, but figure it out, I will! (Ahahahhas. Notice how I altered that as so not to defect the above point?)
  
• Swear in French: This is all part of the swearing inconspicuously plan. Swearing in French just sounds so much classier. Although most people will probably look at me as if I’m lunatic. Not that I’ve actually sworn in French yet. I’m still trying to perfect my ‘merde’.