Love Letter to the HSC

To The HSC
I don’t know how to say this, but I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. When I decided to dedicate myself to you, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. You plague my mind constantly, and I think you’re becoming hazardous to my health. You’re demanding and time-consuming, you’ve made me cry and stressed and I’ve gained a bunch of weight. Not to mention, all those nights I wasted tossing and turning in bed thinking about you. You’re also awfully time-consuming; I hardly have time for anyone other than you.

Despite all this, I find myself amazingly emotionally dependent on you. My heart lurches and butterflies flitter about in my stomach, and I am both nauseous and excited in the moments leading to an encounter with another exam result. When you punish me for not dedicating enough time to you, I sink into weeks of depression and pondering on the question of ‘where did I go wrong?!’. But when you reward me with an amazing mark, I am dancing-on-air happy, I high-five strangers and randomly burst into song. Sometimes when things are super excellent, I even pat myself on the back for achieving the unbelievable, and I dream about our wonderful future together.

Even though we’ve only known each other for six months, the time has flown by and I wish I had appreciated you more from the start. I know that, like most relationships, this will all end pretty soon. I’ll probably wish I had done things differently, but I think it’d be mutual farewell. I’d be mostly relieved, and maybe a little sad. One day I’ll look back at our time together and laugh. I might even miss you, depending on how we ended things. Hopefully, it won’t end in tears. Be kind to me and I’ll be kind to you.

May our future be wonderful and without tears or, god forbid, cheating.

LOOOOOVE, Theresa

P.S. I'm willing to let the weight gain slide if you are.

The Pursuit of Happiness

I know people say that you need crappy stuff in life to make the happy stuff nicer, but honestly, are we ever really properly truly happy? Maybe all the junk food and lack of sleep and work is getting to my head, but it seems that whenever I have happiness in the palm of my hand, it's not actually there. Well of course it's never really there, you can't grasp happiness, but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, RIGHT?

Like, when the whole universe is in its place and strangers smile at you on the street and you chance across 80% off sales and you find a delicious new place to eat and your subscription arrives in the mail and there is a sudden abundance of cute, charming boys and you bake a perfect batch of macaroons. Then you're on top of the world and you can't help but to hum some ridiculous Beethoven song (that's probably just me, who hums along to classical songs I mean. It's weird though, it'd make a lot more sense if I hummed Tchaikovsky. Wait Tchaikovsky is too complex, I only have one set of vocal cords after all). Yeah, well back to the point- when you're top-of-the-world happy, aren't you scared that eventually you'll fall off your perch and land on your face?

Well I am. I feel like whenever I'm that happy, I'm always preparing the parachute for the fall, so that when I eventually do, it'd hurt less. Like when I'm that happy, I don't really deserve it, and that the crappy stuff will inevitably come around the corner and slap me in the face in retaliation.

And now that I think of it, it's really very stupid. The happiness lasts for 3 days at most, and then I'd receive some exam mark (lately, I've been starting to realise that enough is never enough when it comes to marks) or I realise that my life is nothing like I had planned, or I contemplate the person I've become and realise what I screwed up person I am, and it all builds up (because these three occurences usually happen consecutively, if not simultaneously, give or take anxiety related to friends/family/boys/the future) and I sulk about it for a fortnight. And that's not even the stupid thing. The stupid thing is that in my very short period of happiness, usually two thirds of the time is spent preparing for the downwards spiral.

Okay I don't know where this is going. It's a disaster, spontaneously writing large blobs of thought. It's even worse having a breakdown on the internet. I'm just going to click 'publish post' now before I change my mind.

Shopping List

What I basically need RIGHT NOW: chunky shoes, gold and navy, bodycon dresses, LACE LACE LACE, thigh high boots, sparkly things, more pretty underwear, and a cat mask. Because everyone needs a cat mask.

I am really exhausted, and I really have no reason to be. Today at the athletics carnival, I did... nothing, literally. I mean, even when everyone was doing the compulsory sprint, I snuck away and pretended to be a prefect. Actually I did do a little bit of physical labour, for the five seconds it took to illegally run across a field and cut the cross country course short by about a kilometre. That was pretty tiring now that I think of it.

I'm saving up for thigh high boots at the moment, I think I'll be able to get them this weekend. Perfect timing actually, since I'm getting a load of mid-yearly marks back tomorrow. So if I do good, the boots will be like a reward. And if I suck, then it'll be like retail therapy. Yay.

White Daisies & Eternal Sunshine

Wearing:
Forcast black bandage bodycon dress $30
Bebe Sydney knitted black cocoon cardigan $IDK I got it for free
Self made frilly daisy scarf
Lace up ankle boots $35 from ebay.com



Right so I did absolutely nothing this holiday. There's one day left, maybe I can squeeze everything in. What I wish I did: finish my D&T dress, finish History Extension research, bake macaroons, learn to drive, took more photos, sewed more clothes, do my happy webcam project.

Maybe I'll bake the macaroons and do my happy webcam project tomorrow.

I'm feeling super motivated to drive all of a sudden. I plan to learn enough to be able to drive the whole crew to school in the morning. And by crew, I mean my sister, my friend Jenny N and her little brother. That's really a very frightening thought though, our risk of death would be increased by like 50%. And I hear Jenny is planning to drive us home once she learns, which would... put my risk of death at close to 100%. If I suddenly disappear from the blogosphere, I hope you'll understand.

My brain is mush at the moment. You've probably noticed, since I've made absolutely no effort to link my paragraphs together. Just imagine these paragraph are dot points. I love dot points. Anyway back to my brain being mush, I feel super duper bi-polar at the moment. Half the time I want to go out dressed as a pink cream puff, and the other half, as catwoman. Or something very feline that involves a lot of leather. I'm still looking for the perfect pair of leather pants, anyone got suggestions? Oh you know what I HATE?? When I type 'leather pants' into ebay AND LEATHER TIGHTS COME UP. GOD WHY DONT PEOPLE UNDERSTAND, TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS. That's like calling underpants shorts, or bras bustiers or socks shoes!!!

EURGH I FEEL ANGRY. I know what will calm everyone down. BUTTER SCULPTURES. I wasted five hours on that website, but I'll admit it wasn't entirely unfruitful. I learnt that boys really do only look at boobs, and google planted a 'Wally' for google earth, and there is such a thing as a mattress tester.

EDIT: Yaknow what I just realised? Guys look at boobs but what do girls look at?! There's no one thing is there? If you really think about it... well with my friends, I know Van and Wendy like eyebrows, Jenny N likes feminine features, and I like jaws and stubble. God, men lack imagination.

Mmm Peachy

Wearing:
Black bow headband: Temt,
Scarf: self made,
Headphones singlet top: Valleygirl,
Blazer: Thrifted,
Leather skirt: Ally,
Spotted stockigns: ebay,
Wedge boots: customised boots from Topshop

I can't believe the holidays are ending. I swear, I can't function unless I have to-do lists drawn out. This was the first holiday where I haven't drawn up a to do list, I thought I'd just drift along and see how things go. In the end, I didn't do much. Y'all should see the to do list I drew up for the exams, it was colour coded and everything.

Anywhos, here are more pictures to fill up space:

Got this from some friends for my birthday, it's so good for winter. I'm not sure what's in it, but its fruity and florally and smells REALLY REALLY WARM. Like, if hugs had a smell, they'd smell like this.







Oh no, you know what I realised? I SAVED THESE PICTURES AS JPG, NOT PNG. I hate jpg, when you upload it, it goes all funky in a bad way.

Winter Inspiration

I think I get overexcited for Winter every time. I start stocking up in mid-February and by the time it's properly cold, I have enough to last five winters. Seriously, I have three beige trench coats now (of various lengths and thicknesses, black vs beige buttons, double vs single breasted, it's necessary yaknow), and that's not even counting my coloured trench coaches, as well as like... 8 little black dresses, and countless pairs of new patterned stockings. YES, WINTER, I CAN'T WAIT!

Headband: Valleygirl
Chiffon pussy-bow blouse: random store
Super duper long singlet: Tightrope
Sunglasses: Equip
Beaded bracelets: Diva
Wedges: Paradis

I haven't done much other than waffling through mountains of fat books for my history extension project. I can't believe I've left it until now- I've already accumulated 23 typed pages of research and I'm only around two thirds done researching, not to mention I still have to interview a bunch of people with opinions.

Funny thing is, I'm kind of enjoying reading up on all these crazy women. If there was an excitement scale, where going on a shopping spree or meeting a really cute boy are both very high up the scale, and cleaning my room or doing maths homework are at the very bottom, then... doing this project would be reasonably up there. Probably higher than rewatching movies, but slightly lower than eating macaroons. That's pretty high, yaknow.

Anyways some of you might've wondered, why did I turn off the comments? WELL, in short; when I turn comments on, I am constantly reminded that I have a bunch of responders to write for. If there are no comments, I can write whatever crap I want and it's like I'm writing for myself and not for an audience.

But you guys do email me, quite frequently actually, and most of the time with questions that could be answered easily if there were comments. BUT NO, THERE WILL BE NO COMMENTS because I insist. And emails are a hassle, so GUESS WHAT, I started a formspring thing. Well actually Jess made me one a while ago (when Taylor Momsen was cute and Britney was hot and dinosaurs roamed the earth, yes that long ago), but the point is- go nuts and ask questions here instead of emailing now. Unless it's email worthy stuff.

Butterfest

Yay so that photography project I've mentioned a couple of times is finally finished (click image to visit):

It's basically me and my friends taking craploads of pictures every month based on a certain theme. Last month's was 'Alice in Wonderland' but due to exams, none of us really did anything. I decided to catch up and not let such a good theme go to waste:







I know my last 365 project kind of failed after like... 5 days (Did I set the world record?) but this CAN'T fail because even if I grow unenthusiastic, there'll be a bunch of other people spewing out photos. Oh yeah, that's what Butterfest means by the way. Theres a long story behind it, but it basically relates to... windows and cameras and vomit. Yeah.

There's No Place like Bed

Right, so I haven't blogged anything substantial in a really really long time. So today's the day. Just me, my blog, and the interwebz. By the time I'm done we'll be so sick of each other that I can disappear and you won't even notice- and if you did, you'd probably be glad.

Yes. Lets begin. Today I figured I better start catching up on outfit posts, and I figured I better start putting up quality outfit posts, but I was really tired, so guess what, I ended up taking an outfit post on the bed. Yeah, in the end it took more energy than it would've taken if I had done it standing up.

Top: Valleygirl, skirt: Supre



I dont think I'll be doing it again though. I mean, it's not like I can wear a hat or shoes in bed. And I did try wearing a necklace but ended up almost choking myself. I haven't even started talking about setting the camera up. I finally used the gorilla pod my friends bought me for my birthday, except it wasn't gripping very well. So I ended up having to anchor it down with a bunch of heavy necklaces. Ingenius idea, methinks:


Maybe I should do this for my happywebcam project. Lie down in bed, that is. I still need to figure out what to do for the latest challenge. I was originally thinking of singing 'Moon River' with the guitar, right, except I have only perfected the second verse. I'm thinking of hitting a pot for the first verse. Or maybe maracas. Except I don't have a maraca, but I'm sure a box of Wonka Nerds would suffice.

Alright, now here are more pictures depicting what I've been up to all holidays:

My holiday reading list:


Flock of birds and rocking horse necklaces I got from Equip for $5 each, YES:


I've been stocking up on coats for winter, I found a bunch of trenches on ebay and various second hand stores, AND AND AND GUESS WHAT. I finally found the perfect beige trench coat. $25 on Ebay, barely worn, from PORTMANS, NO LESS. It's wonderful but just a tad long so I need to fix that. Oh and I'm insistent on black buttons. I originally planned to colour the buttons in with black sharpie, but that's a ridiculous plan!- I realised, so I'm going to actually replace all 17 buttons. Eventually.


Okay well my hair isn't really what I've done in my holidays, but I feel up to thinking/talking/discussing my hair. I'm very easily bored with it, which is why I often spontaneously chop it all off, then grow to regret it. EXCEPT, I can't do that now, it was my new years resolution. ALSO, QUESTION: Hair HAS to grow from the roots right?! But LOLWHUT, my roots are barely showing but I swear my hair is getting longer. Which makes absolutely no sense, unless my hair... like, grew from the middle or something.


Britney Spear's Midnight Fantasy- I've been wearing it for a month or so now, IT'S SO DELICIOUS. It smells like a bag of skittles.


Suetonius and Tacitus- they're my new bed buddies now. They're ancient historians, aren't that reliable, and dead. Studying crazy Roman women for History Extension is actually really fascinating. If you've got time up your sleeves, go google a few of them (Agrippina the younger, Messalina, Livia, to name a few). Their lives are like... an ancient version of Gossip Girl. Same exploits and manipulation and scandals and sex and money. Except with more killing.


My D&T Major Work, YESSS. It seriously puts me at peace. In my calm space. Whatever they call it.


That's all, for NOW. I still have like 5 outfit posts to go, and that photography project to launch, so a tout a l'heure!

Selling My Crap

Yay so I've finally cleaned out my wardrobe and decided to sell my crap. Go check it out and give my crap a new home:

Walking on Sunshine

YESSSSSS, after an almost year-long hunt for the perfect wedge boots, I finally came across a pair from Topshop. I bought them as an end-of-exam present for myself and decided to spruce them up today.

WHAT YOU'LL NEED:
1. Topshop Addison wedge ankle boots (£80, or $140AUD)
2. Reflective mirror wall-sticker ($10), or alternatively, chrome stickers people use for decorating their cars
3. Superglue

Addison boots:




I thought the strip would end up looking something like a slightly curly 2cm thick strip. HOW WRONG I WAS, in the end, it looked something like Sailor Moon's tiara. GODDDD, it took ages to work out.


So after an hour of frustrated measuring and sticky, burning, tingly, crap-attracting fingers...


EEUUUUURGH I'M OVER THE MOON, I'm going to be wearing these babies for months. They're actually surprisingly comfy. I clomped around in them for a whole afternoon after they came, they're crazy high (15cm, or... 6 inches) but AMAZINGLY COMFY. I think it's because the huge platform= heavier and more stable, it anchors your foot down + the leather inside feels like butter.

God Australian shoe brands are hilarious in comparison. $140 in Australia can get you a pair of kinda-amazing-looking but ridiculously uncomfortable and crappily-made shoes that are synthetic. $140 in the UK can get you a pair of 100% leather wonderful shoes (like these, or Doc Martens, which are also pretty amazing and comfy). THAT'S IT, I'M MOVING TO EUROPE.

Anyway so I'm going to blog like crazy to make up for the past term. I have HEAAAAAPS to tell y'all about. I'm cleaning out my wardrobe at the moment, I was going to open an online store with Jess and Van to sell all our junk last holiday but we never got around to launching it. Then Jess beat me to the punch so now I'll be lodging over at her store (Selling my Crap). I think it has a ring to it.

PLUS, I have like 20 outfit posts to do, and possibly a humongous purchase post, AND I need to get on with this photography project I'm doing with a bunch of people.