The Pursuit of Happiness

I know people say that you need crappy stuff in life to make the happy stuff nicer, but honestly, are we ever really properly truly happy? Maybe all the junk food and lack of sleep and work is getting to my head, but it seems that whenever I have happiness in the palm of my hand, it's not actually there. Well of course it's never really there, you can't grasp happiness, but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, RIGHT?

Like, when the whole universe is in its place and strangers smile at you on the street and you chance across 80% off sales and you find a delicious new place to eat and your subscription arrives in the mail and there is a sudden abundance of cute, charming boys and you bake a perfect batch of macaroons. Then you're on top of the world and you can't help but to hum some ridiculous Beethoven song (that's probably just me, who hums along to classical songs I mean. It's weird though, it'd make a lot more sense if I hummed Tchaikovsky. Wait Tchaikovsky is too complex, I only have one set of vocal cords after all). Yeah, well back to the point- when you're top-of-the-world happy, aren't you scared that eventually you'll fall off your perch and land on your face?

Well I am. I feel like whenever I'm that happy, I'm always preparing the parachute for the fall, so that when I eventually do, it'd hurt less. Like when I'm that happy, I don't really deserve it, and that the crappy stuff will inevitably come around the corner and slap me in the face in retaliation.

And now that I think of it, it's really very stupid. The happiness lasts for 3 days at most, and then I'd receive some exam mark (lately, I've been starting to realise that enough is never enough when it comes to marks) or I realise that my life is nothing like I had planned, or I contemplate the person I've become and realise what I screwed up person I am, and it all builds up (because these three occurences usually happen consecutively, if not simultaneously, give or take anxiety related to friends/family/boys/the future) and I sulk about it for a fortnight. And that's not even the stupid thing. The stupid thing is that in my very short period of happiness, usually two thirds of the time is spent preparing for the downwards spiral.

Okay I don't know where this is going. It's a disaster, spontaneously writing large blobs of thought. It's even worse having a breakdown on the internet. I'm just going to click 'publish post' now before I change my mind.

A Rather Lengthy Post

I'm feeling wordy and distracted, and I haven't blogged in almost a week so I'll treat you guys to a fat post loaded with words and photos to make up for it.

Other than catching up on my mound of homework, a lot of other stuff has happened. First off, I wandered the city with Van on Saturday. We were only supposed to go for a couple of hours, then drop by to this party but it got postponed. Which was a good thing, because when you pair me (notoriously and unfortunately never on time), and Van (cursed with every awkward situation known to man), you get very unfortunate untimely adventures.

First off, there was trackwork on my station. One thing lead to the next, I eventually reached a strange station and jumped on a random train, thinking 'at least I'm moving, even if it's to the wrong place...'. Only to find out that I was on Van's train. Now you'd think we'd have reached a happy ending. I mean, we've found each other right, now we head out to Circular Quay and have a fabulous day out. Wrong. We somehow both went on the same WRONG TRAIN, and only realised when we were in Paddington. Which is waaaaaaaaaaaay north of our destination.

Then we were stalked by a scary Asian lady, her middle aged Aussie friend, and their compact camera. No seriously, I was not imagining. We were in a SECLUDED PLACE WITH NOTHING GREAT TO CAPTURE ON A CAMERA. Other than us, but we weren't that good of a spectacle, I dont think. So anyway, they started following us when we tried to escape, and we ended up running in our heels, poking heaps of holes in grass and almost dying in the process.

AND THEN, Van managed to lose her phone. We retraced our steps, we called her phone 50 times, we even went through my camera's photos to see if we could spot her phone, and hence track down its possible location. A few exhausting hours later, her mum calls my phone. Which really frightens me now that I think of it, how on earth does Van's mother have my mobile number?!? But anyway, it turns out a foreign (hopefully sexy European) man was just about to leave the country when he found Van's phone. So he called Van's mum to tell her he left it at the info desk because his flight was due and he didn't have time to find us. Which is kind of a shame. Only if he was a sexy European man under 25 that is.

Accompanying photos:

Starbucks drinks that I suspect were POISONED. I dont know, my Starberries&Cream frapuccino was disgustingly sweet and induced nausea after three sips. And we poured 5 satchets of sugar into Van's iced latte, to the point that it was LITERALLY SATURATED in sugar, and it was still bitter.



Magic staircase that lead to this beautiful park, where we took a giant batch of silly photos:

"Fish face"


"Teeny-Bopper faces"


One of the many winking photos we took, where we were actually in sync.


HAHA WE LOOK LIKE GIANT HEADS STUCK ON BABY BODIES IN THESE


Before we left, I dragged Van to the Lindt Cafe to pick up some macaroons so we could try them:

1 Peach and 1 Vanilla and 3 strawberry macaroooooooooons.


THEY ARE HEAVENLY. Even though they kind of cracked and melted by the time I got home. BUT OH MY GOD. YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND UNTIL YOU TRY THESE.

What I was expecting: crumbly sugary biscuit-like things
What I got: heaven in your mouth. No seriously. Let me describe the sensation to you: first your mouth envelopes the macaroon and your teeth sinks into it, cracking through the super-thin egg-like sugary shell both top and bottom. Then you slid through the gooey, spongey fruit-flavoured meringue-like mushy stuff, then through the thick creamy ganache, until your teeth finally meet again and the bite you took melts in your mouth. I only bought 5 but I'm majorly regretting it right now.

Other things that have happened over the past two days:

• I think I'm suffering from some sort of HSC-induced insomnia. I wake up at 7-8 every morning, do school work, go to work late into the night (usually until 11:30), get home and shower, finally sleeping at around one or two in the morning, then I wake up again at the same time the next morning. No matter what I've done the day before, how many cans of Pepsi I've drunk, or how many nosebleeds I've suffered during the night.
  
• I drove for the very first time yesterday, almost six months after I bothered to get my license. AND BOY AM I GLAD, I don't think I would have had the brain power to drive 6 months ago, let alone now. I was driving in a deserted carpark at 3 in the afternoon on a sunny summer day, and I almost died countless times. When I panicked, I'd do the wrong thing (accelerate instead of brake, vice versa), signal the wrong way, turn the wrong way when reversing, tangle my hands up when steering rapidly on sharp turns, park very very crookedly, or somehow end up on the curb. I don't think I'll ever be able to drive.

Anywhos guys, I'm going to the Gold Coast in exactly seven days!!! I have a tonne of swimsuits, a giant floppy hat and my toes all painted and ready to go. I'll blog if I can bring my laptop (but right now, it's not looking so good, I really don't need an extra kilo on top of all my clothes and shoes, and I don't want to pay for extra luggage space).

Before I go, what I wore out:


Headband: self made
Heart-shaped sunnies: Equip
Gold chunky necklace: Diva
Cropped top: not idea where, the tag disappeared
Striped drapey skirt: Bardot
Patent belt: Forcast
Cagey platform heels: RMK

2010

It's here. We just stepped over the line and now we're in 2010 territory. It's funny to type. 2010 2010 2010. And it's the year of my graduation. Ever since I counted the years left until I graduated from high school, my heart sort of leaped every time I saw the number '2010'.

At first, it was from excitement. For most of high school, I would count down the terms left until I could run away from the place once and for all. But now, I'm really panicked and unready and scared of the HSC and of The Real World and of uni.

At the moment, I am not ready to leave the comfort of having the same thing set out to wear five out of seven days a week, and having school bells conducting my daily schedule, and knowing I'll see the exact same people in the exact same places every day. In twelve months, nothing will be certain. We'll be living postmodern lives! (EXTRA POINTS FOR THAT ENGLISH EXTENSION REFERENCE).

But in the mean time, here are a few things I want to be certain of by the end of 2010 (aka a deformed version of the typical new years resolution)

• My ATAR of over 99 (hey I've seen people I never expected to get 99+ get 99+, so if they can do it, so can I)
  
• That I won't fall in love this year (I don't need that, it's going to get in the way of the rest of my life)
• My longer-than-shoulder-length hair (for the first time ever since Year 3 or something)
• That my Design and Tech major design project will be displayed in the Powerhouse Museum DesignTech showcase
• I will receive at least one of those duck awards (you know, those awards for coming first in a subject in your year) so I can attend Presentation Day for a final time
• I'll be wearing the most fantastical formal dress of all. I've been waiting practically my entire life (okay maybe not, but since Year 9!! which is 20% of my life, but its the most important 20% of my life so far) for the opportunity to wear a full length dress. I think I'm going a little crazy, but I already have a basic idea for a dress. However, it's still very early and I'll probably change my mind. (Goodness knows, I had my cruise dress all planned out immediately after the formal, and my end result was like 167 ideas away from my first idea)
  

That's basically it. They're pretty boring, and school orientated. But I'm very determined to come out of 2010 on top (of school that is), and it is the last year of school. If there is ever a time to make school related resolutions, it would be now.

P.S. YEAAAAAH the earmuffed.com archive is now starting its third year. LOOOK. GOSH WE LOOK LIKE VETERANS NOW.

2009

This is the first time in the history of ever that I'm blogging twice in one day. I just released the 'fashion' summary of the decade, went around reading a bunch of sentimental 2009 overviews, and then started feeling in need of writing a sentimental 2009 overview too. So this is what happened in my year:

• I burned some bridges and still kind of regret it
• I realised that the unexpected really was just around the corner
• I denounced Rushh after its horoscope told me I'd found love- and I didn't
• My year-long movie marathon actually kind of happened throughout the year- I probably watched more movies this year than I did in my entire life
• We all became seniors, found out that the white shirts were frightfully transparent, and that you could knock people out of the way with your bag in the corridor and get away with it
• School timetables changed dramatically- I finally broke out of my cycle of having all my classes with exactly the same people, and made friends with people I barely talked to in previous years
• Honourable mention for WENDY (as she mentioned me :) ). We spent every Ancient History lesson talking then copying each others work to catch up, and secretly consulting each other in Mr M's spelling bees, and eating under the table when watching documentaries, and shotgunning the back row, pushing the tables all the way back, and sitting ON the tables when watching movies in the multimedia room.
  
• I turned sweet sixteen and received a 2 year subscription to Frankie WOOHOO
• I discover my passion for Ebay, probably spent over $2000 on that website this year
• We went to camp. We probably contracted rabies or maninjacockel (or however you spell it) from the filthy plates, got our panties stained with mud, skipped showering for a day, passed soap between the shower cubicles, stayed up playing Mariokart, danced crazily at the disco, patted the llama, then collapsed and slept for three days straight after it all.
  
• I got my driver's license four full months after my birthday
• I failed time after time to stop spending money
• I decorated my room twice
• We baked Pacman cookies and cupcakes
• I watched Coco Avant Chanel and it kind of changed my view of everything
• And maybe thanks to Coco Avant Chanel, I lost a little faith in love, and now I don't know if I even believe in it that much. Or at least- that I'd ever find it.
  
• Also thanks to Coco Avant Chanel, I stopped believing in fate and destiny
  
• We all ate and sang and danced and stumbled down the girl's bathroom steps on the Cruise, then limped around the next few days with our feet blistered and our thighs aching
• I helped plan a whole heap of crazy birthdays (this year: Donut themed party (Oroton wallet, mini donuts, donut card), Shroom party (surprise cat named 'Shroom', long Mario mushroom card with a long crude poem and heaps of messages from people), a card with video messages from everyone including a certain hot boy (or should I say man?), a Babushka party (yay babushka card, babushka cake and a babushka ball), and a crazy unthemed party where we stuck charms of a bracelet onto the ceiling and had a hundred cupcakes)
• I threw a Christmas Party where we consumed too much food and did quite little
• I lost my Boxing-Day-Sales virginity and did not enjoy it ONE SINGLE BIT!!
  

Early Christmas

The crazy whirlwind of assignments that was the last two weeks of school is now OVER. Now I can go back to blogging double time. Get out your good china teacups, it's time to catch up. So what have I been up to?

1. I nearly cried over Maths, I nearly cried over Extension History (half a mark 'til full marks! COME ON, WHY CAN'T TEACHERS BE NICER. IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME!!). My throat practically exploded after my 20 minute Design & Tech speech. I nearly cried over Chemistry. I sulked as everyone except me received an award at presentation day.

2. Jenny's birthday was on Monday. We baked a hundred cupcakes, stuck her presents on the ceiling, and made her boyfriend pick her up so she could retrieve them.

3. MY NEW CAMERA CAME. It feels a little derogative to refer to it as 'my camera'. Or even to refer to it as an 'it'. We've shared so many good moments already, even though it has only been approximately 28 hours. But you know what they say about honeymoon periods... I hope it never ends. I basically went crazy and took pictures of anything and anyone who would allow it (namely my sister...)


Beauty and the Beast. Go figure which is which.













I'm still marvelling over how clear the images are. IT'S LIKE NOT GRAINY AT ALL. ITS AMAAAAAAAZING!! I can't stop taking close up pictures of my face, you can see all my pores and mini hairs and freckles!!! As demonstrated by the photo below, you can see all my little skin bumps and my individual eyelashes AND EVEN THOSE BUMPY THINGIES IN THE COLOURED PART OF MY EYE!!!


And lastly, a picture of the camera itself:


4. The half grade-wide Secret Santa thing I organised was ALMOST A SUCCESS. There was a Santa Claus and cupcakes and heaps of sweaty people milling around waiting for their presents. What I received: a 'Chill with Tchaikovsky' CD (YAAAAAAAAAAY), and 'Breakfast at Tiffany's', 'Funny Face' and 'Sabrina', all starring Audrey Hepburn (TRIPLE YAAAAAAAAAY!!!)

To Write Love on Her Arms

Last week's outfit: (I'm extremely lagged for everything, from purchases to schoolwork to blog posts)

Dress: self made,
Trench: second hand,
Belt: Supre,
Necklace: Diva,
Shoes: Barkins.

Recent happenings:

• I'm still broke
• This swimsuit I ordered (before I ran out of money) arrived in the mail!! I'm super duper excited to wear it, can someone throw a pool party?
• My final piano exam is coming up next saturday, I'm going to be a crazy piano-playing machine for the coming week, so don't expect any posts
• My thumb is starting to throb from texting so much
• I successfully planned a babushka themed party:

Babushka face with the birthday boy's face:


A babushka envelope: (there was another babushka envelope inside, then two more inside each other, and finally a miniature babushka card)


A babushka ball (nicknamed Vladimir, was created over two periods with a lot of paper, a cricket ball. and highlighters)


Advocating To Write Love On Her Arms day:

We're Here!!

As a primary school kid, I used to look up to the Year 6 kids, thinking that we were worlds apart. They were so much taller and smarter, they probably knew where they wanted to get in the world, and how to get there. When I started Year 6, I realised that there was nothing to it. There was no magical spell cast to make me feel any taller- I was still shorter than everyone, even some of the gigantic kindergarten kids. I wasn't as smart as I thought I'd be, and when we graduated, I felt kind of cheated. Where was the wisdom?! Why didn't I feel that much of an adult yet?!

Then I got to Year 7. It was a whole new world, and I realised what a mistake I had made. Year 6 kids didn't know anything, it was the Year 12 kids who did. They were the ones who wore the white shirts that set them years away from us, who abbreviated their subjects, to "Chem" or "Legal" or "Modern". They probably knew exactly what they want to do with life, and they all probably had experienced love.

I'm here now. We're all here, and even though we all wear our embarassingly transparent white shirts, or shorten the names for all our subjects, we aren't that much taller or wiser. Maybe you guys are, but I probably haven't grown since Year 6. And those freakishly tall kindergarten kids are probably twice my height now. Nor do I really know what I want to do with life. Sure, it may appear that I have my mind set on design, but I'm really really scared.

It's a tough world- its the real world. Where people don't tell you everything you want to hear. They won't, unlike your friends, gush over everything you make, they won't unconditionally love everything you do.

And as to finding love- I sure havent found any. Well sure, the unrequited type, many times. But actual real love love? Not so much. I'm starting to lose hope in the male population of our generation.

Even though we are no where near ready- (I highly doubt I'd find love or wisdom by the end of year 12), we are going to be kicked out into the real world in exactly one year. It's like a clock ticking really. One year left to stock up your arsenal, eat up your vitamins and vegetables, and prepare for the unexpected. Okay, not really unexpected, we know exactly what's coming; relentless studying for 18 hours a day.

I don't really know where I'm going with all this. I had a huge soppy post all planned out, but my soup is kind of distracting me. It's really nice. You know with all the little crunchy croutons? THEY ARE SO NICE. I wish I could loot the crouton factory. Is there such a thing as a crouton factory? THEY'RE SO DELICIOUS, they'd probably require a WHOLE FACTORY to produce these tiny cubes of heaven.

Anyway, what I was saying was: we have a year left to enjoy having to wake up and wear a uniform everyday, and coming home to know we have homework everyday, and having bells to command our days and the same place to meet up with our friends. It may seem like a huge drag after 13 years- BUT APPRECIATE IT NOW.

In no time, you'll be having to actually figure out what to wear everyday, and having to tell the time yourself without a bell to cue you. And you might not even have any friends to meet up with.

So study well and hard guys, but don't forget that you're probably never going to see 80% of our grade again. Even though there are heaps of people I hardly ever talk to, their presence makes all the difference, I'd probably miss everyone heaps. Actually, I might be lying. I thought it was the end of the world when I graduated from primary school- WHEN WILL I EVER SEE MY FRIENDS AGAIN?! But you know, truthfully, I didn't miss them that much. But then, I always assume wrongly. I probably will miss you guys heaps.

Requests

I have been asked by various people to take pictures of:
1. My dog
2. My backyard
3. My shoe closet.

I was going to do an outfit post today except I was all disgusting and dripping in sweat, and I thought I'd be considerate to all my readers and save you the disgust. So, I'll show you my dog/backyard/shoes instead.

My doggie:


Yoshi has grown SO BIG since I last took pictures of him. The pet shop owners told us he wouldn't grow very big. Obviously, THEY LIED, SINCE HE'S KIND OF HUGE.

The backyard:

That's the little red bridge that I really like. It leads to the pagoda/gazebo thing. The pagoda/gazebo thing is infested and will probably fall down any day now.


And this is a little passage at the back of the backyard, where all the palm trees reside. It's really pretty except there are milk cartons peeping out of everywhere (Yoshi dragged them there. And yes, Yoshi is capable of dragging milk cartons. He's also capable of eating all the plants and polluting the backyard with coal. Oh, and burying all my school socks.)

The shoe closet:


I ran out of space and had to get my dad to hammer in two extra shelves. It's pretty jam-packed right now, so there's no doubt I'll be needing more shelves very soon (especially after I save enough money to mass order from Forever 21).


AAAAAAAAND, the latest addition to the family:

They were $30 from RMK, bought on ebay. I've been wearing them non-stop, and scoring a bucketload of compliments. I LOVE RECEIVING RANDOM COMPLIMENTS FROM STRANGERS, I wish I had the nerve to randomly compliment other people since I know how much it makes my day.

Other thing's happening in life right now:

• I'm feeling really bored with my hair at the moment. You may have caught me desperately attempting to spruce it up with a number of headbands, but I still feel bored. Don't worry, I won't go crazy and chop it all off again. I already have three people ready to kill me (not really, but telling a random guy that I'm attracted to him, or plucking off every body hair, is close enough) if I dare cut off any hair. But I think I might dye my hair some funky colour, or maybe get some fluffy bangs. We'll see.
• Year 12 is not affecting me at all. It's gotten easier, if anything. Maybe because doing 3 units of Maths totally stressed me out, and since dropping to 2 units, it's like a holiday now. Seriously- before, I had to do three pages of homework (quite literally). Now I get three questions for homework (also quite literally).
• I'm addicted to corn. It's been a while now actually, but ever since I had that first cup of corn from Corn Club all those weeks ago.... now I can't even go a day without a giant bowl of corn.
• I'M GOING TO THE GOLD COAST AT THE BEGINNING OF NEXT YEAR!! I'm soooooooo excited but I have no swimming costume. Actually, I do (three, all unworn), but I want a NEW one. Which is silly, I suppose you can reason that all the other three are new since I've never worn them. But screw you, I'm going to get a new one and that's that.
  

HAPPY WEBCAM TIME!

Once upon a time, Jess & I decided to do something to brush away our boredom. So we created the HAPPY WEBCAM PROJECT. Basically: we set topics for people to talk about, and add challenges to make everything more trivial. For our very first challenge, we had to talk about things that made us happy, with the aid of a sock puppet. My contribution:



You can watch everyone else's by clicking *HERE*

Anywho, now that I have promoted the Happy Webcam Challenge enough, it's time to GET EXCITED FOR THE CRUISE!

ONE DAY LEFT. Well, approximately 48 hours but I'm counting it as 1 day because the actual 'day of' does not count. I just finished making my dress this morning WHICH IS REALLY REALLY GOOD, because I was all panicked and worried that I wasn't going to finish my dress in time.

The bad news: it's going to be something like 17 degrees max on Thursday. We will be on water in the city at night= the perfect recipe for human iceburgs. I wish you all luck in finding adequate warmth-providers.

I lost my diary so I will type up my to-do and to-bring lists for the cruise. Chances are you don't know me personally, you don't know the people I will talk about, or you won't give a crap. Feel free to just skip straight to the comments (why yes, I am implying that you should comment.)

TO-DO LIST

• Try to get rid of the stupid arm disease I have on my arm (I've had it for half my life, chances are it's not going to go away before the cruise, but wishing never hurt anyone)
• Wax and shave
• Try to get rid of my leg scars (doubt I can, do people make concealer for knees?)
• Make clutch
• Find a giant coat (or cream to protect me against frost-bite, if such a thing exists)
• Figure out how to do makeup
• Get rid of disgusting layers and layers of nailpolish building up on toe-, and finger nails
• Pray that the blisters on my foot will heal (I can't crazydance in my heels if I still have blisters by Thursday)
  

TO-BRING LIST
I'm going to Jessica's house before to have a BIG FUN GIRLY TIME, and hopefully (unlike last year), there will be no last minute wardrobe malfunctions, I will not have to create my headpiece 3 hours before the actual event, I will not have to sew up someone's dress so it can fit, I will not run around stressing out and screaming, and I will not turn up an hour late.

• My dress
• Jessica's dress
• David's waistcoat
• My shoes
• Hair straightener
• Make up (double check for plum nailpolish, eyeliner, lipstick, gold powder)
• Thread + scissors + needle
• My clutch (WITH PHONE AND CAMERA, CHARGED AND RECHARGED)

To lengthen this post, and to make up for my lack of posts in the past week, I will talk about my day. And also my day yesterday.

YESTERDAY: I watched 500 Days of Summer, which was REALLY REALLY GOOD. I recommend you to all go watch it. The music was soooooo good, Zoey Deschanel was sooooooo pretty, and I literally laughed until I cried. Other than that, I also got massive blisters from trying to go shopping in 14cm wedges, ended up buying sparkly black sandals to walk in, and getting (what I believe) some kind of foot fungi or mould or magic mushrooms growing on my feet as a result of walking through a puddle. Long story short- it started crazy raining which I did not expect (and was not at all prepared for). I ended up spontaneously buying a tacky (but hilarious) leopard print umbrella, and sharing it with Van who tried to hide her face in shame. And that was how I walked through a puddle almost bare-foot (TALK ABOUT IMPRACTICAL, I HATE FLIPFLOPS, THEY LOOK DISGUSTING AND THEY ARE DISGUSTING TO WEAR, ESPECIALLY IF ITS RAINING.)

TODAY: I watched The September Issue (WHICH WAS ALSO REALLY REALLY GOOD, except it's only showing at like three cinemas in Sydney), then tried to catch hailstones from my window. [/day][/post]

The Story of My Reading Mojo

For those of you who are ~in the know~, you would've heard that Jenny is leaving earmuffed.com. TEMPORARILY, of course. She'll be back in time for our travels in Europe in two years time, then we can blog about all our adventures in foreign cities with strange foreign men.

But until she comes back, I guess you'll be stuck with moi.

I'm not sure what I should write about today. I want to write about many things. I want to write about my shoes. I want to write about stay up stockings. I want to write about trying to learn French.

But lets talk about how I managed to get my reading mojo back.

I remember in back in primary school, when I used to be the biggest bookworm ever. Of course, we never had homework or assignments or exams back then. So every day, I'd have a whole afternoon ahead of me, to read whatever struck my fancy (because back then, they didn't make you read fat boring books, like they do now). I recall waking up in the middle of most nights and turning the bedlamp on so I could finish reading that suspenseful bit that was never resolved before I fell asleep. Or racing through huge Harry Potter books with my dad, and trying to find out what happens before he got the chance to spoil it for me.

Now, there are three things that I have a lot of. Like, not just a lot, but a lot, as in a large unhealthy amount. (I know I'm sidetracking here, but I promise you its relevant). Yes, I have a lot of shoes, underwear, and books. (AHA! YOU SEE! It is relevant after all, I wasn't being silly).

So I was cleaning up my bookshelf the other day, and I came to realise that I don't really read anymore. It was a sad realisation. Not one of those happy realisations like when you realise you're in love or when you realise you didn't lose your mobile phone because it's actually in your pocket. No, it was a depressing realisation.

That was when I decided that I HAD TO FIND MY READING MOJO AGAIN. So I compiled up a giant list of books I have intended to read but never got around to reading. And as soon as I finish racing through that fat book the English department assigned us, I can go back to reading enjoyable books again!

Because I had to race through that fat book, I ended up reading like three hours a day, and then the last chapter of the fat book arrived surprisingly quickly, and that was how I got my reading mojo back.

Anyway, I was planning on including a list of books that I had intended to read + mini summaries, but this post has somehow managed to stretch into some epic but pointless story. So I digress.

Sorry, now that Jenny has abandoned me, I'm an empty blabbering soul without much to say. Excuse me while I regenerate a huge list of ideas for things to blog about.

P.S. Van & I recently embarked upon another project. We call it The CAPSOM Project. For now, what CAPSOM stands for remains a secret, but I'll give you a clue. 'C' stands for Charitable. And 'M' stands for Males. If you'd like to participate, do tell one of us.

Camp Fever

So camp is drawing closer. It is actually in four days, but I’ve been looking forward to it for so long it still feels like ages away.

My excitement for camp has been dangerously fluctuating these past days.

I found out yesterday that I have an Integration exam right after camp. That’s three days from my study time, and I need all the time I can get! (read: I totally bombed my last exam. I need to redeem myself) It's also so stupid because I was actually starting to feel redundant with nothing to stress about after our exams. I guess this is what happens when I take stress-free-ness for granted- I get landed with another load of stress.

But it’s cool, all this camp related Twitter activity has revived my excitement, which may or may not be good for me study-wise. But I shouldn’t let some measly tutor test ruin my last school camp. I don’t remember everything being so hyped up during year nine camp. I even remember thinking I had made a bad choice in going because everything looked and sounded so dismal. And how wrong was I. Hopefully things won't end up being ironic enough for this camp to be overrated.

So whilst everyone seemed to be shopping at Westfield’s today buying stockings and whatnot, I promised myself I’d spend the day homeworking my backside off so I can spend the rest of my days Integrating (Great fun, hmm). But instead I spent it watching cheesy Korean dramas with my sister. I realised how much I miss laughing my head off at the lameness only Asian dramas can provide. They’re so exaggerated they’re hilarious.

I want to re-watch the dramas I had watched before and see if I can still see why I was so fanatic about them. I was actually tempted to start ‘Smiling Pasta’, the first drama I had ever watched, also the first of my drama obsession which was basically my life for a year or so. I wonder if I’ll fall off my chair laughing at the stupidity of the (always) naïve female protagonist, or swoon and fall in love with the (almost, but not always) male one all over again.

But of course, as always, homework calls. And so I guess that also calls for an end of blog post.

FINITO!

It’s over, guys! Exams are over, yeahhh!

That thought might have hit me a little too early yesterday, when I sat through the last hour or so of my last exam thinking ‘Yes, not long ‘til I’m out of here. Not long ‘til I can sleep again! Not long ‘til I don’t need to live in a library anymore!’ all while my exam paper stared and laughed at me.

I noticed a lot of people were doing the same, and there was a time when I literally burst out in a fit of muffled giggles when I noticed the number of people around me bobbing their legs up and down with nothing else to do. I probably imagined the part where they were doing so in synch, but that didn’t help.

I love the feeling I get when I walk out of an exam hall- it’s this exhilarating feeling of relief, and I feel it every single time, even when I know that I absolutely totally bombed the exam.

And right now, it’s that feeling multiplied a billion times. Yes, that is champagne you hear still popping in the background.

I am going to continue basking in the feeling of freeness now- what better way to start off my mini-three-day-weekend by watching 'Gossip Girl'. I am so very behind with that- I promised myself I’d wait until post-exams to watch it as a reward and I’m dying to see this scene everyone seems to be talking about.

Oh Nohs.

Before you decide to read this post, I must warn you that I am in an extremely foul mood at the moment. And I am capped, so half the things I wanted to include in this post won't be there. Meaning, this post is going to be one extremely crappy post. You have been warned, read on if you must...

What I have achieved over the past two weeks:

• I bought like twenty rings off Ebay to add to my ring collection. I was going to take a picture, but as I mentioned above, I'm capped.
  
• I used a lot of money. On rings and shoes and winter clothing. But I must admit, it was not entirely a waste. In fact, I'd say that the money was rather well spent
• I DIYed a lot of things. I cut two pairs of jeans into shorts, and printed a shirt (I'll take a picture of them in two weeks, when I'm uncapped, and once exams are over). After the exams, I also plan to create my own version of an Alexander Wang sweater dress (I would normally provide a picture example, but for obvious reasons, I cannot. How about I describe it to you and you use your wonderful imagination to visualise it. It's like a giant giant sweater that sort of hangs off your shoulders and ends halfway down your thigh. It is metallic silver and there are random holes in the sweater, with pieces of black mesh behind the holes. If you can't visualise it, just try to imagine the epitome of bad-assedness. Or you can try google it- Alexander Wang metallic sweater dress.)
  
• I did not study. I don't think this can be classified as an achievement. More like an anti-achievement. A dis-achievement.
  
• But! I did practice maths. Oh yes I did. Oh hell I did. I practiced maths every single day for like a week, and redid every single exercise completed throughout the year so far.
• But! I realised I was going to fail despite this. I did the Maths past papers today, and realised how stupid I still was, depite the whole practice-maths regime. So now I am super depressed- I basically wasted a whole week studying something I'm going to fail, when I could've used the time to study something else.
  
• After watching Gossip Girl and America's Next Top Model excessively on the internet, I have managed to cap my internet, with still 15 days to go until I uncap.
• I have decided to chop off all my hair. Not ALL, but enough so that IT CAN STOP STICKING DOWN MY NECK ALL THE TIME. I do not think I am capable of communicating the annoyance I have experienced in regards to my hair, without exploding. It's like, someone constantly breathing down the back of your neck 24/7. I've always wanted loooong wavy hair, but I don't think I'd live through the process of growing it to that length. Whenever my hair gets about shoulder length, I just want to pull all my hair off my skull. It sticks down my collar, it tickles my face and gets in the way of everything, it sticks to my lips when I have Vaseline on, it decreases my comfort when I'm trying to lie on my pillow, it takes ages to dry, and it wastes 20 minutes of my life every morning, as I attempt to tame it.
• I'm continuing the above dotpoint here. It started getting too long. Anyway, continuing with hair-rant: YES. I hate the length of my hair at the moment, so as soon as the exams are done, I'm going to get it all chopped off then I can be all carefree and sleep in for an extra 20 minutes in the morning. And think of all the shampoo I'm saving!! I am excited. I think I have told some of you to stop me with all your might, if I ever decide to chop off all my hair again. But my mind is made. I CANNOT BE STOPPED. End hair rant.

In fact, end blog post. I should be studying. Yes, definitely ending blog post right now.

Failing Left Right and Centre

I am going to emo talk my way through this post and YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

School holiday. I don’t feel it yet. It feels like any normal Saturday morning at the moment; I don’t feel anything. I’m sure it won’t be long before I start overeating and turn into more of a blob though.

Something I found very strange was the number of holiday wishes I received on the last day of term. Have I simply been living in a hole and deemed not worthy of being wished a happy school holiday these past four years, or is everyone suddenly acting like a school holiday is a two year trip off the planet?

I don’t mean to say it’s a bad thing: it’s really nice, but imagine walking down a corridor, and you know how you only have 2 split seconds to greet the person you walk past? Yeah, well imagine trying to fit the three words “Enjoy your holidays” in the usual smile-and-wave. No, not very effective. I think at one point I stopped, turned around and replied with even more words “Holidays? Oh holidays. Yeah, you too!” at which point the person was already either too far for further exchange of words or couldn't hear me. Awkward much?

Anyway, I spent hours hardcore studying for the maths exam I totally bombed yesterday. The books/notes are still scattered on desk and I did so bad I don’t even have the willpower to clean up the mess I created. And I’m not even exaggerating when I say it was that bad. I simply blanked out during the test. What’s even more depressing is that I could do the questions perfectly fine once I got home. And it went perfectly fine for everyone else too- during the exam that is, not afterwards when they’re cursing themselves at home. Sucks to be me.

I plan to do at least one thing remotely related to study everyday this holiday. I’m already doubting my ability to stick to that, but hey, that’s why I’m posting it here for the world to see. Ya’ll should try it. Tell someone you’re going to do something. Make sure they don’t care, and voila it’s done. I should tell someone I’m going to pass my exam next time.

Study hard and have fun this holidays, everyone. (It's supposed to be possible to be able to do both. You work it out.)

Swearing With Class

I’m not exactly famous for my English, and you’ve all probably spotted some grammatical error I’ve committed before in my writing. And you’re all probably sitting there going Oh My God, This Girl Sucks Balls. Because frankly, I do that too, and I’m very pedantic when it comes to reading other people’s writing- as hypocritical as it may seem.

But that is all going to change. I will speak and write with perfect grammar- eventually.

Primary school has taught me bad grammar. I had never heard of the ‘Never end a sentence with a preposition’ rule until an English teacher insisted we answer the phone with ‘To whom do you wish to speak?’ two years ago.

But like I said, this is all going to change. Teacup and I have decided to embark on another little scheme of ours (alongside the 'no meat and lots of yoghurt' one, I mean). We are going to speak with class. Yes, we will:

• Refrain from ending sentences with prepositions: As I type this, I am making sure to be as grammatically correct as possible. And you’ll notice how cleverly easy it is to avoid ending a sentence with a preposition if you just attach a ‘please’ to the end of the sentence.
• Learn to swear discreetly: I haven’t quite mastered this one yet, but have you ever heard someone say a swear word so inconspicuously that you think ‘What? Did he or she just swear?’ even though you’re sure you heard correctly, and you’re sure they did? Yeah, I want to be able to do that. I’m not too sure just how yet, but figure it out, I will! (Ahahahhas. Notice how I altered that as so not to defect the above point?)
  
• Swear in French: This is all part of the swearing inconspicuously plan. Swearing in French just sounds so much classier. Although most people will probably look at me as if I’m lunatic. Not that I’ve actually sworn in French yet. I’m still trying to perfect my ‘merde’.

To: The Future Successful Me #9

Hello, future me. Today, I am a WOMAN. Okay not really, but as some people have already pointed out, being sixteen means that I am officially legal. And okay, it's not like I'm going to do anything about it, saying it just makes me feel dramatic.

But really, I do believe that I have finally grown up. For the first time in my life, I didn't look forward to my birthday for the presents. And the huge birthday bash I had in mind last year now feels like an embarrassing idea- I would much rather spend the day with my closest friends in my own home, than be in a strange place with people who are practically strangers, doing pretentious things.

Today made me realise that I absolutely cannot lose contact with any of my friends after school. I know that I tend to lose touch with people who I no longer see on an every day basis, and meeting up with people years later is never pleasant. Meeting up with people you used to know = unavoidable small talk = HELL. That's the way it is with my old friends from primary school. Sure, we all promised to keep in touch, to email each other everyday, and to tell each other the smallest details of our lives.

But the thing is: people change. When people aren't around you, they will continue grow and develop without you. Eventually, you will drift miles and miles apart and have absolutely nothing in common.

I wish I could promise that I'd stay in touch with my current friends, but I can't guarantee that it would happen. However, I am going to try, so, future me, if you happen to still be in touch with your high school friends, it's all thanks to me.

I'm in an awfully soppy, happy mood at the moment, and I just realised what an amazing day today has been. Because I have awesome friends who:
- each and individually greeted me with massive hugs
- managed to sit through half of Lady and the Tramp, before I gave up and decided we were all to old for it
- relit the candles on the cake after I blew them out the first time, because they wanted to sing
- agreed to let me dress them up in ridiculous outfits
- laughed with me at the ridiculous outfits, until our voices went hoarse
- decided on shooting 'fake porn' in my bed
- presented me with a card with the words 'Happy Birthday' crossed out, and 'Hippi Biddi' written on top in pink sparkly pen
- with the words 'yir 16 bi hippi' underneath the 'Hippi Biddi' [translation: you're 16, be happy]
- ate slice after slice of ice-cream cake smothered in chocolate sauce with me
- each and individually farewelled me with a hug more massive than the one they greeted me with.

And also: thank you to everyone who has wasted about three seconds of their lives wishing me a happy birthday! I wish YOU happy birthday too, for when it comes around.

Pictures of today:

Force feeding them vegetarian food.








Crazy outfit #1: some white top, some poofy white skirt, some tiny denim jacket, a ridiculous white fluffy scarf and another red and gold scarf resembling the one Harry Potter wears


Crazy outfit #2: One of the few metallic pieces I own, that ridiculous white scarf again, a gangsta faux-leather jacket, black gloves & motorcycle boots.


Crazy outfit #3: A huge sloppy black cardigan crossed over and secured with a white belt (the point was so that she would look like a monk), a red tartan skirt left halfway down her butt because she couldn't be bothered zipping it, and a black scarf.






Trying to express ourselves with our EYES and eyes only.


Fake porn.

PS: we rewrote our little blurb/intro thing there on the sidebar. Go read it.